Settling-In Period in the Nursery

Warning: This is not your average guide. It offers a week-by-week transformative experience, providing very detailed yet highly informative insights into the settling-in period as your child begins this once-in-lifetime journey.

The nursery is a significant milestone in your family’s life, and the settling-in phase can be challenging both for you and your child. As a parent, you may be filled with mixed emotions, but fear not, all will be okay.

I was personally frightened but I was not in a hurry. This extended separation would be her first since birth. I understood that she would go through a wide range of emotions; feelings that I could not even imagine with my adult mind. I wanted to give her the time and space necessary to adapt and find her footing. Despite my own anxiety, I had faith in her; I believed that she could handle it, and with the right approach, she would eventually come to embrace and enjoy this new experience.

My primary goal during the initial weeks was to ensure that without any doubt we would always return to pick her up and that separation was not permanent. To achieve this, I required the full cooperation of the nursery team. I outlined my expectations and communicated them very clearly to the nursery staff. They were fully aligned and supportive of the objective.

Here are the key points I emphasized:

1- I didn’t expect her to spend the entire morning at the nursery initially.

2- I needed to be informed if she cried hysterically, even if it lasted only a few minutes.

3- It was crucial for them to distinguish between her simply nagging and genuine crying.

4- Knowing my child, she needed her personal space. There should be no attempts to hug or grab her to stop her from crying, as this would only worsen the situation and break the trust we were trying to build. She needed time to build a bond and grow comfortable with the new environment.

It took us three full weeks, and here is how it unfolded.

WEEK 1: BUILDING TRUST & ALWAYS REUNITING

On the very first day, as per the settling-in policy, D. and I met up with the teacher and the assistants in the classroom. I had a conversation with the teacher while D. spent some time in the classroom playing with one of the teaching assistants. We left the room with the understanding that we would return the next day, and D. would stay with her teacher in the classroom alongside her classmates.

On the second day, she only stayed for 7 minutes. I went in to collect her, gave her a warm hug, and assured her that we would always reunite after class, just like this. We called it a day, focusing on establishing the routine of reuniting after school.

Wednesday brought a change as we decided to have Daddy take her to school, thinking that the separation might be easier for both me and D. It worked for me, although I wasn't sure if it helped D. She stayed for 20 minutes, with moments of tears and silence, followed by more tears. We decided to reunite and end the session while emphasizing that reunions would happen every time.

On Thursday, she managed to stay in for 45 minutes. BIG ONE! She cried for about 10 minutes, with breaks in between, before finally settling down. I went inside after 10 minutes to check if she needed to be picked up, but to my surprise, she was sitting on the floor, engaged in her teacher's story. However, when it was time to go to the cafeteria for a snack, she became confused and started crying. She then told me that she and her teacher were lost😊I reassured her that her teacher knew the school inside out. I also told her that she did fantastic today! With that, we ended our day.

Friday marked progress as she stayed in for about 70 minutes, even after snack time. She had her snack with some of her friends who preferred to stay in the classroom. The teachers wanted to keep them comfortable, so they allowed them to have their snacks in the classroom. However, after snack time, when the children who had their snacks in the cafeteria returned, the sudden noise startled her, and she began crying. We called it a day and made sure she knew she did an amazing job today!

Our next step would be to explain to her that it's okay to go to the cafeteria with her teacher to enjoy her snack with her friends.

As the week ended, we explained to her that it was a special time called the weekend, and during the weekend, there was no school. We used the connection she already had between weekdays and work to help her understand that the weekend also meant a break from school.

WEEK 2: PROGRESS & ESTABLISH A ROUTINE

On Monday, she woke up with excitement and asked, "Where are we going today?" It was clear that she was referring to school, and her enthusiasm was quite clear. We informed her that school starts at 9, and when the school bell rings, Daddy needs to leave the classroom. With the school bell ringing at 9, Daddy bid her farewell and left the classroom.

For the first time today, she managed to stay in school for 1 hour and 15 minutes! It was a significant achievement for our small world😊 She even agreed to go to the cafeteria with her friends and enjoyed her snack there. However, on the way back to the classroom, she seemed to think that school was over for the day. So, we decided to call it a day. We celebrated our achievement with high fives and lots of YAYYYs.

The rest of the week followed a similar pattern with its share of ups and downs. Each time we reunited, I made sure that she knew she was doing a great job. It was evident that she was making an effort to adjust to her new routine, but it would take some more time for her to fully adapt to the changes in her nursery experience, such as changing places and activities. Our next step would be to continue talking to her about the nursery routine. We've bought a book to help her become more familiar with what to expect. We're committed to supporting her through this transition and helping her feel comfortable and confident in her nursery environment.

WEEK 3: TRIUMPH & TRANSFORMATION

Until Thursday, the routine remained quite similar to the previous week, with her staying at school only until after snack time. However, on Thursday, we followed the guidance of her teacher and made a small but significant change. We brought her a separate snack bag, different from her backpack. Up until that point, she used to bring her backpack to the cafeteria, which seemed to signal the end of school for her. With the introduction of the separate lunch bag, she returned to the classroom after snack time and stayed until the end of the school day.

Then came Friday, and she stayed the entire time without any issues, from the beginning of the school day until it ended, which was noon for us. We had achieved our goal!

We made it! Three weeks felt like quite a journey with moments of concern along the way. We took a few actions during this time, some of which helped, while others did not move the needle. Yet, it was all part of the process of trial and error. And in the end, the effort was absolutely worth it.

Now reporting from week 5, she is happily settled in and started making memories of her own. Naturally, we still experience ups and downs, along with some eventful days. However, overall, we are all very happy and proud.

Settling-in period at nursery takes time and the time frame is unique for every child and parent. As a parent, what I found most useful in the process was to respect her individual timings, observe her needs closely, celebrate small wins, and trust her and the process. And all will be okay!

Click to read Choosing the Perfect Nursery