Post NICU - Formula or NO Formula?

One of the painful decisions I made at the time. It seems very far away now and I honestly find it weird why I was bothered by it so much. Well hormones one could say:)

When we were leaving NICU, 20% of D.'s milk intake was coming from formula. I was still hopeful, once we were home we could go back up to 100% breastmilk.

First few days, we continued as is. I would breastfeed D. and pump right after. When I pumped right after nursing, it would almost be nothing so I would supplement with formula when necessary.

Formula game is a dangerous one to go in though. Once you are in, there is no looking back. Amount of formula increases really fast mainly because nursing decreases which impacts milk production negatively.

After a few days, 20% formula became 50% already and I started to worry. My husband and I had a heart to heart. He was going to be home for another couple of weeks so we decided to do a nursing / breastfeeding camp and see if it works.

Nursing camp* is basically a period where you leave everything else aside and just eat (fuel your body with nutrition) and nurse 24 / 7 for a consecutive three day period. If, at the end of three days, your baby does not gain weight or even loses weight, it means your milk is not enough for HER.

During this 3-day period, you do not worry over laundry or cleaning or whatever it is that keeps you busy. This is why it was important that my husband was on onboard.

We could not complete 72 hours but we were able to go for 24 hours. We have observed some dehydration as her diaper was dry most of the time. Besides, all of a sudden she started sleeping constantly like she did not want to wake up. We got worried.

I was in the team of NO FORMULA until I was not anymore:)

Then it hit me once again. I was still a preemie mom and she was still a premature baby. TO ME, it was a great deal of risk. After another heart to heart with my husband, we decided that we would continue with formula where necessary. I wish I could say, I made peace with formula that day. Well I did not:)

I kept pushing her to nurse so I could produce more. I kept pumping like crazy until I drained myself. Then I started realizing, I was pushing myself and D. so hard, I was missing the whole point. I was so focused on feeding her so much, I was missing out the good times obsessing over breastfeeding.

I decided that I would continue breastfeeding as long as she demanded it. I was not going to push her anymore. I nursed a lot during her nap times because she enjoyed that. She wanted to nurse a lot at nights and I took advantage of it.

When did I make peace with formula? When I truly bonded with D. after spending real, genuine, limitless time with her. When I felt, our connection was this ethereal bond that nothing in this world could ever interfere with. No formula, no human, nothing:)

p.s. Looking back, I was very worried that D. was not going to develop in a healthy way, I was very cautious when it came to taking risks. Thinking about it now, I might have completed nursing camp. However, it is much easier to say that now as D. grew very nicely.

p.p.s. Just like every baby is different from each other, every preemie is unique too. Me producing less milk as a preemie mother does not mean another preemie mother will also produce little. In NICU, I have seen mothers who did not have a drop. I have also seen mothers who produced liters. So, every mother is different too. Please whatever decision you make post NICU period, base it on your health (both mental and physical) and your baby's health discussing with your pediatrician.

* If you are interested in doing a nursing camp, you should discuss and align with your doctor. This will give you some sanity that you are not doing anything wrong. He will also let you know what to keep an eye on (such as dehydration, stool etc.).